ANATOMY OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Time must be taken to discern healthy and loving relationship from those which do not serve either our spiritual or mental health in a positive manner. Biblical based advice to tell the difference, and how to repair or move that which does not serve love. When Elohim wishes to bless you, how does He do it? Among many other ways, He brings our paths to intersect with those necessary to continue to embolden us to live joyously in His love.

When the stirring mischieviousness of Evil means to destroy you, how does if most often done? People detrimental to Hashem’s plan or you come crashing into your life. There are several types of relationships which are complete liabilities, lacking any essence of assets among your path. If you desire to develop healthy relationships, you first must cut remove those from your life which bring you to constant struggle.

How can you tell if a relationship is toxic? Here are three major indicators: Constant Strife and Division. First, there will be constant strife and division. The Book of Amos 3:3 asks us, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” A healthy relationship is one in which there is like mind seeking of goals, purpose, values, and beliefs. Hashem’s Word also says, “Where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.” - {The Book of Ya’akov/James 3:16}

The Greek word for confusion (akatastaos) means “unstable.” Scripture tells us that a double-minded man is “unstable in all his ways” - {Yaakov/James 1:8}. This is generally used to illustrate that a situation is out of order and therefore out of control. Elohei Ma’uzzi (the G-d of my strength) is a G-d of order. He has decreed boundaries of authority, and when those lines are violated, the passage of darkness is set ajar to invite every kind of evil to engage in unholy mischief. To be sure, what evil is unleashed doesn’t come with a menu for you to choose from; when you get out of line within the grand and Holy design, great darkness will surely find and engulf you until such time you truly come to understand your error before the joyous loving light of Hashem is revealed to you once again to find your way to return to the path of righteousness.

Determine the cast-off characters of our past: A great danger may be found in some relationships which unwittingly keep us in emotional slavery to our past. Scripture informs us when Yehoshua went to his “own country,” He taught, and the people were astonished, but they were also “offended” at Him because they kept saying, “Isn’t this the carpenter’s son? Isn’t this the son of Mary and the brother of James, Josses, Simon, and Judas? He can’t possibly have all this wisdom and do these mighty works. We know Him. He’s just one of us.” And Jesus could do no miracles there “because of their unbelief.” – {Book of Makabi/Mark} It wasn’t merely that Yehoshua had lost any power in Himself. He wasn’t any less of who He was in his home country. It was because of their unbelief that He could not manifest the fullness of Himself; “And it came to pass, that when Jesus had finished these parables, he departed thence.” - (Book of Matityahu/Matthew 13:53–5}

There may very well always be long-held associations of your past may prevent you from realizing the true freedom of Elohim’s light and love. Unhealthy relationships carried over time in a false sense of loyalty are as a stone around one’s neck providing great resistance to the freedom of love through HaShem. Such misdirection’s may prevent you from fulfilling Elohim's intent for your potential. This of course excludes relationship you have entered into with His covenant or relationships that HaShem has ordained for your life. You can’t just casually walk away from a father or mother or spouse or child.

We speak not about friendships, business associations, casual acquaintances and distant relatives… who remind you continually of a life you left behind in the honor and praise of Elohim. We must recall our past transgressions no longer exist in new life of faith. We are redeemed in Yehoshua. It is those who cast shadows upon us beyond forgiveness who bring us to mind that these dispersions are not of HaShem and their words that do not relate to our grateful tomorrows. There will be times of trial with those who enter your life as trials of your faith and adherence to the commands of Elohei Ma'uzzi (The G-d of my Strength), in devotion to love and compassion.

Those relationships which prey on our hearts and cheat us of great joy and slow our forward movement in growth through Yehoshua must be given their proper place in our past. We must not permit any power to be given to any person who seeks to manipulate us and control us. No one person or persons may bring to the point of loss of joy, loss of our peace of mind, cause us to lose our temper, or bring to cause any other aspect of our loss of godliness unless we freely give that person such power over us. The most dangerous violator of the heart is the person who patronizes us. It is the person who strokes our ego and bathes us in words of affection which we long to hear, all in an effort of their sole interest.

Such violators seek to take advantage of the “needs” in our life, especially the needs of love and acceptance. Make no mistake; they seek not in concern of our blessings or our destiny. They are concerned only with what they seek to embolden themselves in their insecure minds. They are takers, not givers. We must be certain to never lose our faithful identity for another person’s sake. Personal compromising of our character before anyone which dilutes our faith must be forbidden.

We must continually take inventory of whether a person is drawing more from us than the person is offering, most especially in our emotional health’s consideration and that which belies our faithfulness. A healthy relationship is one in which there is an observable balance; where there is mutual appreciation and a support and building one another up, where there are honest words of appreciation without a taint of manipulation.

So, what are the steps you must take to remove unhealthy relationships from our life? First, you must identify and accept the reality of an emotional dysregulation, an imbalance with certain relationships. At times, we must seek an inventory of the situation and admit to ourselves that a relationship just isn’t working. We must acknowledge when all of our efforts at helping or rehabilitating a person have failed. It is at this point that we must give that person over to Elohim and not hold ourselves an emotional hostage through the exasperation of our faithful efforts.

Please take note that you do not give up on the person, but rather to understand our best efforts are met with the boundaries of our limitations. To give up is to walk away and say, "I don't care what happens to you." To give a person “over to Hashem” is to walk away as you say "I have done all that I can do; I’m entrusting you to the grace of Elohim Emet (The G-d of Truth) from this point on."

When you give a person over to Almighty Elohim, you are releasing that person from your own heart to One who truly can heal the person, who will never fail the person, and who is totally qualified to counsel and guide and help the person. How many times can you tell a person the same things over and over and over again? Some people have been prayed for with the laying on of your hands so often that your handprints are indelibly printed on them! If you allow yourself to be drained and distracted by someone you truly cannot help because that person does not truly want your help, only your association, then you will not be in position to help those who truly want your help more than they want your association.

Second, don't try to be Hashem to another person. There's a huge difference between helping a person and carrying a person. You are not Rauch Ha' Chodesh (Holy Spirit). Don't enter into an enabling relationship in which you come to feel totally responsible for a person's success or failure. Third, become comfortable with criticism. If you do have to end a relationship, not everybody is going to be happy with your decision. For that matter, not everybody is going to be happy with you at any point or regarding anything! There’s always going to be somebody who wants you to do something other than what Elohim is leading you to do. Nobody can please all people all the time, everywhere.

"Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for so did their fathers to the false prophets." – {Book of Lukos/Luke 6:26} We must comprehend at times when others are emotional turmoil and hurtful things are said, people sometimes miscomprehend the truthfulness of a situation and we must be brave enough and godly enough to say in loving understanding, "This relationship isn't healthy for either of us. We need to put an end to this."

In all things trust Elohei Tzur Yishi (G-d, the Rock of my Salvation) to help guide you to recognize when a relationship is becoming detrimental to our business, our ministry, or the health of our family life. Trust Hashem to give us the courage to end the relationship, and then trust Him to give you broad enough shoulders and thick enough skin to take the criticism that may come for ending the relationship.

It takes emotional energy and personal fortitude to end a unhealthy relationship, and if we cut every unhealthy relationship out of our life at one time, we are likely to be overwhelmed by the loss. We remove unhealthy relationships from our life one at a time until we can look around you and say “All of my relationships are ones which are pleasing before Elohim. All of my relationships are ones in which there is mutual love, compassion and consideration, a mutual blessing and a mutual edification. I am on the same wavelength with those who are close to me when it comes to values, beliefs, and goals.”

During the dissolution of a relationship, we make certain not to do so in anger or bitterness. There is a way to walk away from a relationship without words of hatred or criticism or the placing of blame. At the same time, walk away from an unhealthy relationship with the full intent that you will not revisit that relationship in the future. HaShem may lead us to have a relationship with that person down the line, but you should not have the intent to fully re-enter the relationship. Make a clean break. Make a definitive break. There may be a situation in which someone comes to us to break off a relationship. Allow that break to occur. Don’t linger in misery. Don’t keep revisiting the relationship in your heart, looking for a way back in. Allow the break to happen. And then, in love, move forward.

When we continue to look back, we won’t be qualified or given the authority to possess what Elohim has intended for us. Seek to look ahead, not back. Each time we look back, we begin to question, "Did I do the right thing?" As we second-guess our today, we become hesitant about our tomorrow. Leave the past behind. Move forward! Don’t look at what might have been, should have been, or could have been! Look at what is still to be! Go to Those Who Celebrate You. Why should we waste our life trying to get the attention or win the affection of people who don’t care about us?

Why make the effort to go where people merely tolerate us but don’t celebrate us? Why spend our time, effort, and resources seeking acceptance from people who are so wrapped up in themselves that they can’t accommodate anybody else in their lives? Why spend our spiritual gifts on people who aren’t at all capable of recognizing and appreciating The One who lives within us? Yehoshua told a parable in which a man gave a great feast and invited many people to come. He sent his servant at the appointed time to say to those who were invited, "Come, for all things are now ready." – {Book of Ur/Lukos/Luke 14:17} However one by one, those who were invited made excuses.

One had bought some property and another new yoke of oxen he needed to "test”, another had just married. Has this happened to you? Many have experienced the same disappointment. We may have invited a group to gather for a celebration where only to one or two, or none at all arrive. We find ours disappointed and questioning after all our distinctive efforts of preparation for celebration.

Are there those the things that people tend to value more than you today? One person has a business that he values more than you, or another a new car or new boat or some other new “toy” of some value that the person needs to “test out.” Another has a new relationship that is more important than the relationship with you. Find the people who are starving for what blessed gifts you offer! Find people who want who you are, to openly receive what you give, and what you celebrate.

Find in your mind, body and spirit the strength and fortitude to shine as who you are for Elohei Ma'uzzi's (The G-d of my Strength) sake and your own. Never stand in the shadow of a "relationship" nor ever allow yourself to be made to feel "less than". Find your strength of character, firmness of self-value and all Hashem Almighty to lead you to your "health".

Walk in Faith, be His Love and Light in the World,

Pastor Mark