"Enduring Foundations"

While attending a friend's wedding, I found myself most intrigued. I was especially inspired by their creative approach to the ceremony. The bride and the groom had an inspirational guidance appointment with their pastor in order to bring new and creative elements into the service. However, in the middle of the ceremony, they included portions of a more traditional wedding ceremony. When I began to hear the words from the traditional ceremony, my attention was caught sharply and I felt over come by Rauch Ha' Chodesh *Holy Spirit). I recall thinking, “There is no way to improve on this as the words are so deeply beautiful and meaningful.”

A great deal of thought and care had been put into those traditional and familiar words. Today, of course, many young people not only are saying no to the traditional wedding ceremony, they are rejecting the concept of marriage itself. More and more young people are coming from single parent homes, and as a result, they have a fear and suspicion about the value of marriage. We see couples living together rather than marrying for fear that the cost of that commitment may be too much. They fear it may make them too vulnerable, withholding a part of them self. This means that one of the most stable and, as we once thought, permanent traditions of our culture has long being challenged.

One of the things I l find most enjoyable in a traditional wedding is that it includes an explanation as to why there is such a thing as marriage. We are told in that ceremony that marriage is ordained and instituted by HaShem… that is to say, marriage did not just spring up arbitrarily out of social conventions or human taboos. Marriage was not sanctioned by men but by HaShem Himself. We see this in the earliest chapters of the Old Testament, where we find the creation account. We find that HaShem creates in stages, beginning with the light (Book of Bereishit/Genesis 1:3) and capping the process with the creation of man (v. 27). At every stage, He utters a benediction, a “good word.”

elohim Avinu (G-d the Father) repeatedly looks at what He has brought to fruition and says, ‘It is good’ (Book of Bereishit/Genesis 1: 4, 10, 12, 18, 21, 25, 31). The subjects of same sex unions are an often discussed and at times, hotly debated concern; we must now consider that our Yehoshua fulfilled the Old Testament law, and the New Testament teaches the Faithful should live under the new covenant of hope, forgiveness and redemption in Yehoshua. Often misinterpreted is the scripture in the Book of Vayikra/Leviticus which states for a man to lie with a man “as with a woman” violated the patriarchal gender marital norms of the ancient world. The New Testament casts a vision of HaShem’s kingdom in which the hierarchy between men and women is overcome in Ha’ Moshiach (The Anointed One) Learn More: www.forgiventemple.com/retrospective-samesexunions

Not only is the perceived prohibition in the Book of Vayikra/Leviticus inapplicable to the non-faithful as a prohibition of same-sex relationships on its face, the most often presumed rationale behind it doesn’t extend to the Faithful either.

We read in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10: “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of G-d? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of G-d.”: We are quite aware that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of Elohim Avinu.

Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immorality, nor idolaters nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of HaShem as clearly denote in this scripture. In this text, Paul uses two Greek words… alakoi and arsenokoitai… that is often in misunderstanding refers to all same-sex interactions. However, this is a misguided interpretation of scripture. The predominant forms of same-sex behavior in the ancient world were sex between masters and slaves, sex between adult men and adolescent boys, and engagement of male prostitution. In all these cases, men used sex to express power, dominance and lust-fullness, not in the self-giving love and mutuality of a committed union. Committed same-sex unions between social equals represent very different values than the types of same-sex behavior Paul would have had in thought in 1 Corinthians 6.

However, then HaShem notices something that provokes not a benediction, but what we call a malediction, that is, a “bad word.” What was this thing that HaShem saw in His creation that He judged to be “not good”? We find it in Bereishit/Genesis 2:18, where HaShem declares, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” That prompts Him to create Eve and bring her to Adam. HaShem instituted marriage, and He did it, in the first instance, as an answer to human loneliness. For this reason, HaShem we attribute that HaShem had inspired Moses to write, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Bereishit/Genesis v. 24).

While I honor and appreciate the words of the traditional wedding ceremony, I believe the form of the ceremony is even more important. This is because the traditional ceremony involves the making of a covenant. The whole idea of covenant is deeply rooted in Faith. Scripture teaches that our very redemption is based on our honoring of and adherence to the Covenant of Elohim Avinu. Much could be said here about the character of the biblical covenants, but one vital facet is that none of them is a private matter.

Every covenant is undertaken in the presence of witnesses, to include unions. This is why we invite guests to our weddings. It is so they will witness our vows… and hold us accountable to keep them. It is one thing for a man to whisper expressions of love to a another when no one will hear, but it is quite another thing for him to stand up in a before his family in Faith, in front of parents, friends, ecclesiastical or civil authorities, and HaShem Himself and there make promises to love and cherish their union eternally; vows are sacred promises made in the presence of witnesses who will remember them.

I stand firm in my belief marriage is the most precious of all human institutions. It’s also the most dangerous. Into our marriages we pour our greatest and deepest expectations, desires and even our insecurities. We put our emotions on the line. There we can achieve the greatest happiness, but we also can experience the greatest disappointment, the most frustration, and the most pain. With that much at stake, we need something more solemn than a casual promise.

Even with formal wedding ceremonies, even with the involvement of commitment in Holy Union, couples who stay together state many would not marry the same spouse again, but they stay together for various reasons. Something has been lost regarding the sacred and holy character of the marriage covenant; in the promises of forever and unchangeable commitment. In order to strengthen the institution of marriage, we might want to consider strengthening the wedding ceremony, with a clear, scriptural reminder that marriage is instituted by HaShem and forged in His sight.

Like all other humans come frailties and likelihood of error. Lesbians and gays, as are all Elohim Avinu’s children and, are called by Him to live a life not for ourselves, but for others. We are all called to conventional relationships in which our lives correspond to the inner life of Faith and HaShem, who are called in self-in-community, who in HaShem’s own being, is self-for-others. Gay and lesbian unions are conventional relationships if they conform to this Trinitarian structure. Like heterosexual marriage, these relationships are "schools for sinners," in which two partners learn how to live in the paradox of freedom that is unlimited precisely because it is limited by the other. The partner in a same-sex union is truly the "other"… not through the traditional complementary acceptance of heterosexual marriages by some, but in the mutuality of two persons who in freedom choose each other and delight in being chosen.

Elohei Chasdi (the G-d of my kindness) creates these relationships because within the limits the acceptance of our given sexuality, we are always called out of isolation into community. Through these relationships we learn what it means to be truly human, to care for another as much as we care for ourselves, to learn that a life enclosed on its self is death, but a life opened to other lives is HaShem's gift and command to those who believe. Neither same-sex unions nor the celibate community are objectively "equal" to same-sex marriage. The marriage between a man and a woman has its own distinctive and privileged character which is sometimes seen by the misunderstanding observer, not afforded to same-sex unions. However, neither are they "second-class" unions. They are moral and faith based relationships and they have a specific claim within the Family of Faith.

Same-sex unions are often broken by the same powers of evil that threaten heterosexual unions. All relationships are wounded by sin. That is why HaShem gave us covenants and why Yehoshua remains messenger of each covenant. When the church offers its ministry to same-sex partners, it is affirming the reality love through Faith and in our Father’s Covenant and therefore saying "no" to the ill conceived perceptions of doctrine of which unions may or may not hold the blessings of HaShem . We often speak about "affirming" or "celebrating" same-sex unions, but I am convinced the real pastoral need in the gay and lesbian community is the ministry of Faith when our relationships are broken by the empowerment of sin.

Like heterosexual couples, gay couples also are adrift in the ethical and unethical chaos of a society that presents the choice to exalt freedom over commitment, selfishness over self-sacrifice, and the fulfillment of personal "needs" over mutual responsibility. The church needs to be a safe harbor for these relationships… encompassed by ethical boundaries, discipline, accountability and tradition. In other words, gay and lesbian couples need structure, just as much structure as heterosexual couples.

Same-sex couples therefore have a claim on the pastoral care of the church. The church must not abandon them to the moral disorder of a fallen world that is in rebellion against HaShem. However, the church's pastoral concern for these couples necessarily requires the public, liturgical expression of the vows that bind them together. Pastoral care without the public recognition of their vows would undermine and seemingly lessen the value of the moral accountability of same-sex couples to each other and to the church. The congregation cannot legitimately expect conformity to ethical norms for same-sex partners if it is unwilling to witness the vows in which those partners commit themselves… in the presence of the community… to fidelity and mutual obedience. If a congregation permits pastoral care but denies the public rite of union it is saying, in effect, "we expect you to honor your covenant but we don't want to hear about it outside the pastor's office."

"Don't ask, don't tell" is a cruel way of life for same-sex couples as they build a future together and if that same constraint were imposed on heterosexual partners, I doubt many marriages could survive at all. "Private" promises of fidelity apart from the community are like New Year's resolutions, easy to break. Moreover, the alienation of same-sex unions from the liturgical life of the community plays into the hands of the secular ideology that covenants are only private contracts between individuals who are accountable to no one but each other, and not to their Faith or to their Family in Faith. Ultimately, the purpose of same-sex covenants, like the covenants of heterosexual marriage and celibate community, is conversion and sanctification, in the case of unions, the two merging into one. Through these relationships we cooperate with Elohei Tzur Yishi's (God, the rock of my salvation) design for human life. They are a means of grace, and we could not be fully human without them.

Walk in Faith, go in His Grace and know that YOU are loved,

Pastor Mark